Happy Thanksgiving

I love this time of year…the weather is cooler, family is together, the twinkling lights are beautiful, people are kinder, and we all seem to operate in a more peaceful place. I love the sounds of holiday music, I enjoy watching Made-For-TV Christmas movies, and I eagerly await to devour Italian Christmas cookies after the turkey.  I am filled with a sense of happiness and gratitude this time of year.

Every day of the year I try and reflect on things I am grateful for; I write out five things I am thankful for and store it in the notes section of my iPhone. Now, with Thanksgiving around the corner I am working on art projects with Audrey that revolve around gratitude. We made a gratitude turkey (on his ‘feathers’ we wrote out what we are thankful for) and we created a Thankful List. We listed 15 things we thank God for all year round. Audrey included rainbows, Daisy (our dog), and pumpkins. It was a good reminder for me that the simple things in life really do mean the most, and I should take more time to gaze at rainbows.

I wish all of you and your loved ones a Happy Thanksgiving. I pray that you have family and friends around the table to share in good food and laughter. I hope you find time to reflect on your many blessings and that you also make the time to be a blessing to someone else in need.  God Bless.

Happy Birthday Audrey Grace

Three years ago today everything changed for me. Three years ago today I became a mom.

Audrey Grace was born at 9:10 PM on November 4^th, 2010 and entered this world and my heart. I had no idea what I was in for, couldn’t predict the sleepless nights, the challenges of nursing and pumping, the love that would overtake me, the constant worry and concern for her tiny being, the pure joy over a baby’s smile and giggle, the excitement of watching her crawl, walk, and eventually run.

 

Now she is running all the time…not only does she literally run, but she also runs our lives, our hearts, our home. She always wants to be the “leader” and “in charge.” She is strong willed and independent. I hope she stays that way and throughout her life remains confident in her abilities and choices.

But even in all her confidence and strength, I am still and always will be her mom, which means for the rest of my life I will have…sleepless nights, worry and concern, abounding joy and love, and exciting days.

 

The day you become a mom your life changes and nothing is ever the same, and every day I thank God for that.

Letter To My Daughter

Dearest Audrey,

It is time for another letter sharing with you all that is my heart.

You are filled with so much energy, constantly jumping, skipping and running. You run very fast. You are also always singing and I love the sound of your sweet voice. You are such a good swimmer and show no fear of the water. You ride your tricycle with confidence and now you have a scooter at Pop Pops house! It only took you a few tries to learn how to rule the road with your scooter. Your new favorite phrase is “what can I have?”…you are always wanting to snack on something. Usually it will be cereal, Goldfish, or an apple. You are getting braver about trying new foods but are still quite picky. You decidedly LOVE candy. I tried to hold off on the candy thing but after having a couple bites of Daddy’s Menchies with M&M’s you were hooked. Now you want chocolate along with gummy bears. You get these treats on special occasions, when you make really good choices or when you are at Gigi’s house.

You are going through a phase where most nights you wake up and yell for Mommy or Daddy to “cover you”. I have tried to talk to you about covering yourself and not waking us up, even bribed you, but for whatever reason, you are stuck on this late night wake up call. I know it’s a phase and will (hopefully) end soon, and I am sure someday I will long for the days you needed me at all hours. Your new favorite “shows”are The Little Mermaid (you are slightly obsessed with Ursula and “bad guys” in general- you always want to know their names and talk about them) and Annie; we watch Annie in Mommy and Daddy’s bed for “COZY TIME!” before its bedtime. You love to hear “Princess Penelope” stories that Mommy tells and it’s our special time together.

 

You are very excited for Halloween and for Christmas. You will be a Princess for Halloween ( let’s hope you wear your costume this year) and you asked for chocolate chip cookies for Christmas. We are taking you to Disney for the first time in December and we are going with the Owens’ and Remmers’,so you will be with your best friend(s). You make it very clear, on a daily basis, that Molly is your best friend. I am so happy you have a best buddy to grow, play and learn with and I am so happy that I now have Miss Jessica. Girlfriends are the best. I pray you will always have strong female connections and you will always be a good friend.

Time is going by so fast, and it’s hard to believe you were once a little baby. You are so grown up, full of life, questions and zeal. You make our lives exciting, at times challenging, but always worth living. You are my special angel, my gift from God.

I love you,

Mama

Girlfriends

You know what is even better than evolving and becoming a better person? Having people who have known you every step of your journey and are there to help you laugh about your mistakes and applaud your growth.

I just spent a picture perfect weekend in quaint Ocean Grove, New Jersey with three of my closest friends. I have known these girls since childhood and while distance and life has changed how often we see each other, our bond has not been erased.

We are all now 30-something women with husbands and kids, but for two days we were girls again. We stayed up late laughing on the porch until our stomachs hurt. We rubbed our toes in the sand on the beach. We ate ice cream in cones. We relished in the beautiful, crisp weather, skipping through town. We shopped for licorice and knick knacks. We talked about boys. We shared secrets.

As I was going through the moments we were sharing I felt overwhelmingly blessed. All our talks made me reflect on my life and the choices I have made, some good and some really bad. The beauty is, I have grown and improved and can look back on my life experiences with ease. There is no guilt and there is no shame, just memories. And these three amazing women are in those memories, some altogether, or just one of them apart of a moment in time. These women stood by me then and they stand by me now.

We talked about making the girls weekend an annual tradition, so that at least once a year we connect with our old friends and ourselves. I pray that we do in fact make it a tradition, but I am also realistic and know it’s a possibility we may never be able to re-create that magical weekend. Life is messy, time slips away, we get weighed down with responsibilities…so if any or all of those things prevent us from another weekend, I will close my eyes and go back to this moment in time and once again see my girlfriends.

Martini Maddness

I learned a very valuable lesson in moderation this past weekend. My husband and I went out with friends to celebrate a birthday. What started out as just dinner and a couple of drinks turned into way too many drinks. I have learned I should not drink lemon drop martinis; they are too strong and I end up having too many. It happened one other time in the recent past with these tasty but evil cocktails, where I overdrew on my alcohol limit.

I like wine because I have a couple glasses, I am happy, relaxed and all in all good. With lemon drops I drink one, I get tipsy immediately and then know no bounds. I was that loud, dance-y, obviously drunk women when we were out last Saturday. Sure, it was fun and some would say I was funny, but it didn’t sit well with me the next day. I didn’t like myself for taking it too far, saying and doing things I wouldn’t normally, and being a waste the next morning.

I want to enjoy not only my night out but the next day. I want to be proud of myself and my actions, I want to be considered fun but classy and together. I want to be an example for my daughter, an example of someone who can balance work, family and fun. I grew up watching my father have too many late nights and be in bed the whole next day. I don’t want that as a memory for my daughter and maybe that’s why I am really hard on myself about the other night. There isn’t anything wrong with blowing off some steam and getting a little cra-cra every once in a while. Its okay to be silly, even a little embarrassing, especially when you are around people who love and protect you. But for me what I have learned is that every once in a while doesn’t work for ME. I won’t judge those it does work for, but for me, the feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction it brings me is not worth it.

 

So I will continue to enjoy my glasses of Chardonnay, and maybe once in a while a girly drink, but strong a@# martinis are NOT in my moderation zone.

#DefineMe

Who are you? How would you define yourself? The first word that comes to mind is mother, I am a mother first. I am blessed to have my top hashtag be #mommy. Of course I have other traits, responsibilities and interest that make me, me. 

I love TV and my DVR, I get excited about the fall and holidays, and really enjoy a good bottle of Chardonnay. I have been known to talk too much, desired to be the center of attention, and been the first one on a dance floor. I am a woman. I am an Amazon Prime member. I find online shopping much more efficient than hitting the stores, but once I am actually in a store I feel happy and excited. I am competitive about unimportant things. I crave to be fashionable and admired for my look. I believe in Jesus and rely on him every day. I want to more prayerful. I am hard on myself and others. I can be selfish and mean. I can also be kind and giving. I like consistency, I am not big on adventure and spontaneity. I have been with the same employer for almost 15 years. I appreciate my job and career.
 I am a wife and proud to carry the name Mrs. Bollon. I am a child of God. I am a product of growing up in an alcoholic home. I can be funny. I am rough in the coordination department. I didn’t believe I could be athletic until I actually started working out. I want to write fulltime and yet I don’t make a lot of time for it. I am an only child. I am a Yankee, born and raised in the Northeast. I am getting better about speaking my truth.  I love to take quizzes (think personality, relationships) and play games like “what if…” with my friends.  I get impatient about the silliest things and need to slow down. I want praise from peers and loved ones. I was born on a Sunday. I will travel to Ireland someday. I love wearing boots, they make me feel sexy. When I try to be sexy, there is nothing sexy about it. I think I give good advice. I love my family.  I am thirty-something and remember watching the show “Thirty-something” when I was twelve. I love pictures and videos to recall memories made. I sleep well at night.

Who am I? It can’t be summed up into one word or paragraph. I am a lot of things and I am changing all the time, hopefully for the better. So I will take my  #mommy and add #workinprogress.

Music = Memories

I just finished listening to “The Highway Don’t Care” by Tim McGraw and the song conjured up sweet memories of our most recent vacation. Mental pictures of being on the boat, wind blowing my hair, the sun setting and glistening off the ocean with a drink in my hand. I love how music can put you right back into a time and place.

James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” puts me back around the 4-H campfire and “After the Lovin” by Engelbert Humperdinck makes me fondly recall the day Mike and I moved in together. The song was playing on the radio as I was unpacking my clothes in the bedroom, full of excitement for our future. Anything by Dave Matthews puts me back to my college days, along with Hootie & The Blowfish, and Live (“Lightening Crashes” is amazing). “These Are Days” by 10,000 Maniacs brings me to the memory of senior year in high school, sitting in the auditorium and watching a slide show of pictures as we got ready to say goodbye to that chapter in our lives. Hall & Oates reminds me of driving in my dad’s grey work van. “Last Dance” by Donna Summer reminds me of singing and dancing around the house with my mother. Tiffany and Debbie Gibson remind of my youth and having my friends over as we sang along to their songs in my basement.  “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 reminds me of my fleeting moment of “fame” and filming a TV pilot.  Alicia Key’s “No One” conjures up the memory of driving to the food tasting for our wedding, the anticipation of planning the big day and becoming a wife.. “Just The Way You Are” by Bruno Mars brings up feelings of pure and tender love. That song was popular when my daughter, Audrey was born and I would listen to it as I took her for walks and sang it to her with tears of overwhelming joy in my eyes.

There are so many songs and so many memories I have attached to music. Most of the memories are sweet, some bittersweet. I am grateful that I not only have pictures to help tell my life story, but lyrics and melodies to also create snapshots of what once was.