Chris, Diana Ross and Dr. Happy

I had myself so freaked out that I woke up in the middle of the night dripping in sweat. I was quiet and tense on the drive to the hospital. I conjured up all sorts of fearful scenarios while in the waiting room. Was it worth it, all the worrying? Who is to say, but I do know that I am happy my hysterosaywhatagram is over. It was not horrifyingly horrific but it was not like sharing a hot fudgey brownie ice cream sundae with your best girlfriends after buying new makeup and shoes.
Chris, the nurse that assisted with the whole procedure likes to sing oldies and pull pranks. We were walking down the hallways to the procedure room, me nervously wringing my hands, when she walked us right outside and said that's where the event would take place. Oh Chris, you are such a comedian. Once inside the actual room she gave us a 'show and tell' with the catheter and balloon that would be put through my cervix. FYI, your cervix has an opening shaped like a donut...you learn something new everyday. She begin to hum and had me get down to business in the bathroom. I peed, stripped down, put on my gown and wished that was all I had to do. Once settled, I kissed my hubby goodbye as he was (gratefully) banished to the waiting room. While I was getting prepped on the table Chris was humming and told me about singing along to 'Stop, In The Name Of Love' with one of the other nurses. I am not sure what the point was of the story but I can't get the song out of my head now. Then Chris called in the doctor who looked like he needed a happy pill with his coffee. The table was cold, the room was cold, Chris' hands were cold (she was kind enough to hold mine and stroke my cheek).
So here's how it goes...the doctor rubs an iodine type solution all over the vagina area, then the speculum is inserted, followed by the catheter and balloon. That's when you say OUCH and squint your eyes and start breathing fast. The whole point of this is to x-ray your Fallopian tubes so when they get you where they want you, you have to hold your breath and hold still. Say CHEESE for the camera. The you have to tilt to the left...strike a pose...and then to the right...vogue...and then back down. All the while you have the speculum and catheter inside. Before Chris and Dr. Happy started they told me I could watch on the monitor. My eyes were closed the entire time. I was just concentrating on trying not breath too fast or flinch. Chris kept telling me to picture a little baby, a sweet baby girl (does she know something I don't about the sex of my future baby??). I had to keep my eye on the prize and remember this was all for a good cause. At one point they had to move me up and I had to straighten my legs. For whatever reason, that was the hardest part. Luckily it doesn't take more than 15 minutes or so and it does go by fast. When it was over I did cry a little...the pain, the experience, the emotion. Before you can get off the table they have to put a towel down because you have dye and blood flowing out of you. There is some cramping and leakage but for the most part you are okay. Chris walked me to the waiting room where I was reunited with my hubby. I was so happy to just hug him and I was so grateful he was there and he was mine. Chris walked us out and told me to keep her posted...she has been known to get a few ladies knocked up after this and hoped the same for us. I gave her a big hug and thanked her for being so kind. SHE seemed so grateful for my hug and then Mike gave her one too. If I do get pregnant because of this or because of some of Chris' magic I will be eternally grateful. And even if I don't I will still be eternally gratefully for Chris' comfort and care, my husband's love and support, and for Motrin's ability to relieve pain. I am going to put my feet up now, take a nap and try to shake the Supremes singing in my head.