Clear Blue Sike-out.

I would like to backtrack to a beautiful Easter morning, April 12, 2009. It was the day after my birthday and I woke up a little bleary eyed from celebrating at a dueling piano bar with my hubby the night before. I was also a week late but that was par for the course for me. I don't typically get my period on my own, so I have to take a pregnancy test month after to month to see I am not pregnant before I can take more pills to get a period and take more pills after that in hopes of ovulating. The later pills, AKA Chlomed, never really did the job they were supposed to but they did make crazy, miserable, and gave me hot flashes and an anger management problem. You can only be on Chlomed for a certain amount of months and I am no longer on it. I sure do miss those crazy Chlomed days almost as much as my husband. Anyway, back to the beautiful morning. My hubby is in the backyard caring for the grass and palm trees, and I am in the bathroom in my black robe peeing on a stick. I never really wait the full 3 minutes to look, and anyone who says they do are lying, so somewhere between 5 seconds and 3 minutes I looked at the stick. HOLY SHIT IT SAYS PREGNANT! No lines or dots to count, just one word, PREGNANT. I run to the sliding glass door and repeat my hubby Mike's name over and over as I hold the stick in my hands. Long story short we are both in shock, like in so much shock we are shaking and unsure. Mike instantly gets nervous, like now that I am 'pregnant' I may lose the baby. Months of disappoint put you in this mindset. So I call my mom and she doesn't even seem excited. She asks me if I have another test in the house which I don't, so I send Mike out for more tests. I end up peeing on like 6 more sticks and they all said NOT PREGNANT. Some were words, some were dots and some were lines...it didn't matter, same result. But I was still convinced I was pregnant. I mean really, who has ever heard of a false positive?? The first one was probably right seeing it was my first pee of the morning and full of all the goods. I was so convinced I was preggers I couldn't sit through Mass as I had to leave to use the bathroom and relieve my full baby bladder. My boobs instantly ached and at Easter Brunch I begged for gingerale to ease the morning sickness. I whipped out the copy of "What to Expect" someone gave me (???) and started highlighting the whole book. I called my OB the next day and they saw me that afternoon. My doctor was of course not there so I had to see his partner. He gave me a pregnancy test, did an examine and said what I never wanted to hear..."you are not pregnant, that first test was wrong". I laid there, nodded my head, pretended I heard what he was saying and bit my lip to fight back tears. When he left the room I sobbed quietly yet violently. I couldn't hold in the disappointment and pain. I couldn't pretend that it was okay. After a few minutes I pulled myself together and slugged out of there. Once in the safety of my car I sobbed again, this time not so quietly. I think after that experience I will be traumatized when a test says pregnant again, but honestly could it happen to a person twice?? Hummmm, I might just might make Mike pee on the sticks from now on...