Honesty is such a lonely word

Ok, so I have to be honest with you; someone was honest with me about the procedure I am having on Friday (she had it too) and I am scared shitless. It was my own fault for asking I suppose. When I asked what her experience was like she said something a long the lines, “when I came to I was in pain. I was hit with morphine and then I begged for more. Then they gave me something else and I woke up about 30 minutes later feeling much better. They will make you stay until you can get up and pee on your own. It was a little hard to get up and move around after. They will put your legs in these weird things – I guess it’s to keep your blood from clotting or something – they are horrible. But then pretty much after that, it was ok.” I am so glad to know it is ‘okay’ after what sounds like to me, a whole lot of torture. My goodness; I am not sure what is okay. Is it the fact that your legs are no longer harnessed? Or the fact you can breathe without needing morphine? That you can go potty all by yourself? It is official, I am scared.

To top off the day, I got a call from the friendly pre-surgery screener, Sherrhonda. She asked me all about my medical history and then it seemed like the questions were getting personal. How long have I not been getting a period? Do I know why I am not getting a period? Do they think this ‘blockage’ is what is causing me trouble?” I must have sounded a little put off because then she proceeded to tell me that she doesn’t get a period either but her doctor told her it was “no big deal but she ain’t sure herself”. All of the sudden I felt like I was the one there to help her through her issues. I told Sherrhonda that she should probably get a second opinion since she only got her period twice is the past year. She made sure to let me know she was not trying to get pregnant since our in our exchange I had mentioned I was trying to get pregnant. Good to know Sherrhonda, good to know. Still probably want a second opinion. She also informed me that the pre-op nurse would call me tomorrow to go over the details. What the hell did we just go over then??

I really want to cry, scream, hid, and beat somebody. After this, whatever happens with baby making, I don’t know if I can even care. Right now I am perfectly content with our 2 dogs. And that's the honest truth.