Rx

Do you know what my crazy ass did this morning? I took another pregnancy test. I woke up and thought “I still feel bloated and tired. The first pee is always the best pee so why not give that lonely stick sitting in the box a whirl.” Not sure if I thought I would get a different result than Saturday; actually I didn’t think I would get a different result, but nonetheless I felt the need. Maybe because it’s been a week since I was ‘due’ and wanted to celebrate the anniversary? You have to find ways to keep yourself entertained through this experience. Anyway, instead of going to pick up Saltines for morning sickness, I will be going to Walgreens today to pick up my Provera to kick start that period again. Did I tell you why I only do drive-thru pick ups now? Oh yes, there is no going inside for me when it comes to picking up the P (that’s what I like to call my Provera. Kinda makes me feel like a badass going to get her supply, get her fix. Again, gotta keep it interesting). So the story behind only going through the drive-thru…the last time I went inside to get the P...picture this…

5:30 PM on weekday. The store is busy and as I walk my way to the back of the store I notice all the lip gloss and mascara. On my way out I will have to check out the latest colors and fat lash brushes, I think to myself. I get to the back of the store, AKA, The Pharmacy and I am instantly in a crowd. People are there to pickup, drop-off, ask questions, and some even seem to be there just to take their blood pressure. The older folks especially enjoy that machine. Anyway, I shimmy my way to the counter and state my name and that I am there for a pickup. It takes a minute and while I am looking at Theraflu flavors I hear my name called. I go to the counter which is swarming with people (thank God not bees) and with an attempt at an inside voice but still rather loudly, the pharmacy tech says, “Mrs. Bollon, are you pregnant? You shouldn’t be taking this medication if you are pregnant and we have a note stating you are pregnant.”
Okay, first of all…are you kidding me?? They have a note? From who? Certainly isn’t from me, my doctor or God because all of us know I am 100% not with child.
Second of all, do all these people need to be staring at me right now, waiting for an answer like they are watching Deal or No Deal and anxious to see what’s in case number 12? This is personal business, not a broadcast. I swear, even the older woman on the blood pressure measure is checking me out.
I calmly and firmly state that I am not pregnant. Inside I feel panic and embarrassment, but I am fairly confident I portrayed an un-rattled woman. The tech seems confused, people are still staring, and I just want the hell out of there. After what seems like an eternity, things return to normal, the pharmacy is a buzz with waiting customers, the older woman is concentrating on her blood pressure results, and I am handed my P. I quickly escape the store, unable to even enjoy the high of examining the latest in lash wear, and lock myself in to the safety of my car.

Maybe for someone who wasn’t going through fertility challenges it wouldn’t have been as traumatic, but for me it was. I still can’t figure out why I was embarrassed…why should I be embarrassed? I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I guess thinking about it now, it was just for the sheer fact that I wasn’t pregnant and had to say it aloud for strangers to hear and felt like they would judge me and try to guess what I was taking and why. I shouldn’t care if that is what anyone was doing but I guess I did. It’s hard enough going through this without additional attention or judgement.

So that is why I now use the drive-thru for my prescription. Either that or Mike picks up the P for me…it’s a pretty safe bet that they won’t ask him if he’s pregnant.