Good Days and Garbage Cans

I feel great right now. I am not sure if it's because I feel stronger each day post surgery. I don't know if it's a renewed sense of hope post surgery. I don't know if it's because my Yankees won the World Series, Baby! I don't know if it's because my hair just got colored a darker shade of brown and I LOVE it. I don't know if it's because I had a really productive day at work and felt valued. I don't know exactly why it is that I feel happy...light...carefree, but it's nice and I like it. It's been awhile since I can remember feeling this 'light' with everything that has been going on. I hope this feeling stays for awhile.
So Mike and I went to see my doc today and review results. As I figured he told me everything went "beautiful" and I am now safe to resume exercise. He did say that if I still don't get my period on my own then he wants me to try two more cycles of Chlomed before going the next step (to a fertility clinic). His thought is, now that I am thoroughly examined and cleaned out, now would be a great time to try Chlomed again (if necessary) since women have been known to get pregnant after surgeries like I have just had. He thinks if we can avoid the cost and intensity of the next level then we should try. My husband graciously piped in that I didn't like being on Chlomed because it made me feel "weird", which I then had to explain to Doc what weird meant. I didn't want to tell him details of how I kicked our garbage and cried in the fetal position while I was on that crap, so instead I told him it made me very emotional and made me rage. Being the funny guy he is, Doc said, "What? What is that? You would be like that anyway without the medication." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. I think he was kidding, but he does tend to think I am on the more sensitive side. Doc said he hadn't heard of those symptoms being associated with Chlomed before; I told him I had friends who experienced similar symptoms and I read so online as well.
This led me later to think that there is a problem with patient and doctor communication. I think that women are scared to tell their doctor's the truth; we want to be good patients and not complain. We want to follow doctor's orders and come out of it shiny and smelling like roses...no issues and certainly not ones related to the mind or feelings. I think this is true, especially when the doctor is male. I love and trust my doc but I would have never mentioned the psychological side effects unless Mike brought them up. That is why Doc probably never heard before about the rage and emotional issues associated...no one has told him. We need to speak up. We need to stop taking it all as it comes and smiling false smiles. We need to say when it hurts and when it doesn't fare well for our psyche. If we don't we are doing an injustice not only to ourselves but to all woman. I learned a valuable lesson day, and it's to bring Mike to EVERY appointment from here on out. No, really, I learned I need to speak up for me, and for you.
Anyway, Mike and I talked about it and we are going to pray that I get my period on my own; if I don't get it we have decided we will do the Chlomed and see. Now we will both be on it...Mike's on it right now too for his sperm! Great, now there will probably be domestic dispute calls from our home. Just kidding. I hope. We decided....I decided, I am not ready for IVF so we will give this route a try. I mean I would give up, take a break, forget the pressure of baby making all together for right now if I could. I just need to get some sort of cycle though, which makes it harder if I am not, because then I can't really quit. For now I am on total prayer mode so that maybe we don't have to go either route and I can menstruate on my own like a big girl. If you can, say a prayer for me too. If you don't I just may come over and mess up your garbage can real good.