So I can't stop thinking about my whimsical approach to wishful baby thinking. I am still in favor of it; yes I will be disappointed if I am not pregnant this month, but will I be any more disappointed then when the pregnant test falsely said positive? I don't think so.
What I am not in favor of is the days that I don't really feel well, like today. I am tired, lack energy, a little sick to my stomach, and a bit of a grouch; having those symptoms puts me in a tail spin. There is nothing whimsical about my thinking now. Am I getting sick? Or am I really pregnant?? It most likely is the first of the two, but regardless, I slightly panic. I tense up my body and unravel my mind. I think more than anything what makes it so hard is having to wait to find out. I prefer instant gratification and it drives me mad that I have to wait another week and a half to know for sure. I would be fine if I was just sending positive vibes and being silly with occasional baby talk, but symptoms, they are the death of me. They take my easy, level headed approach and throw it out the window.
I really hope I am not getting sick, for a lot of reasons...but mainly for one.
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