Directions

So it has been 5 days of stick peeing; no true signs of ovulation yet. You know you are ovulating when the test line is equal to or darker than the reference line. The first few of days my test line was faint but existent. On the forth day I didn't even get a test line. WTF?! Did that mean I was taking a step backwards in this ovulation game? And what exactly was worse than not ovulating, ovulating to produce alien babies? Well last night, day five, I had to excuse myself during a Confirmation Mass with a bishop so I could pee on my stick. The directions say to take the test at approximately the same day each day and I am very good at following directions. As I waited the 5 minutes (not 3 like with pregnancy tests) I wondered if maybe because I was doing the test in a church my result would be positive. Then I thought maybe because I got up in the middle of the Mass and even let out a few big sigh during it (because it was a TWO HOUR Mass), my result would be negative. I ended up with a result somewhere in between...my test line was the darkest of the week but not quite as dark as the reference line. Eh, sure, I am going to say I am ovulating. Oh, I know that according to the directions the test line has to be as dark or darker, but this was close...and I said I was good at following directions, I am just not always good at reading them.

Cruel Intentions

The other day I was getting ready to leave work when I remembered I had a piece of mail I still needed to open. Typically I will bring my mail into work and read it there; just a routine I started many years ago. The envelope let me know the mail was from my insurance company so I figured it was an EOB (Explanation of Benefits) but I was quite wrong in my assumption. I opened the letter to find that it was addressed to me, Sheri Bollon, an expecting mother. WHAT??? The letter was three paragraphs long, informing me of a program available to me through my insurance, which would provide me with helpful tools and resources during my pregnancy. I apparently will be receiving a whole packet of goodies on pregnancy in the upcoming weeks and my baby and I are wished a happy and healthy journey. I called the number given for any questions and left a rather curt message, explaining that while I would love to be pregnant, at this time I am not, and I would appreciate the pregnancy fan mail to stop.
I just couldn't believe it...it the past year I was told by a pharmacist I couldn't get my prescription because I was pregnant, I had a false positive pregnancy test, and now I am getting a letter congratulating me on having a baby. I don't get it. I would like to say maybe this is a sign and I am pregnant or will be pregnant soon, but I just can't go there. There have been too many signs in the past that just turned into cruel forms of nothing. I guess I will chalk this one up to someone being sorely misinformed and be being sorely stung by otherwise good intentions.

All I Know For Sure...

Well we are 10 days into the new year. I have no idea what this year will bring for us in terms of a baby. I do know in 10 days from now I will be peeing on sticks to test my ovulation. I also know there are times when I still think, "I am okay with not having a baby"; then I find myself crying watching the delivery episode of Kendra. Yes, Kendra, the ex-playboy playmate who is so totally annoying. There should be no crying watching her episode unless it's from your ears bleeding from her laugh, and yet I was all sniffles and tears. They placed her sweet little boy in her arms after hours and hours of being in labor, and that was it for me. Then they gave the baby to her husband and he beamed with pride holding his son, and it was really it for me. Put a fork in me, I was done. Those tears let me know that even though I sometimes think I really don't care, I clearly, clearly do. So 10 days into the new year and all I know for sure is that pee sticks are in my near future and I can not longer watch Kendra.

Simple Prayer

A New Hope in a New Year.
Amen