Pretty Woman

At a young age a girl becomes acutely aware of her body, her clothes, her hair and those same features of the girls surrounding her.  By her family she is told she is so cute, her outfit is adorable, and her curls are unbelievable, but a young girl also compares her curls to that of the other girl on her school bus, the one who seems to have more friends and is prettier. That comparison grows stronger and as teenagers, girls pled to have designer jeans and wear MAC makeup so they can look just as good as the next girl and get attention from the popular boys. As the girls turn into women you would hope that with maturity the self doubt and insecurity would change; you would hope that a woman would have enough confidence to be just fine with her own reflection. Unfortunately that is not the case, often times it is the extreme opposite.

Married, single, or in-between, a woman is fighting to hear she looks stylish or “hot” and to feel beautiful. She puts emphasis on how thin she is and how good she looks in a bathing suit.  Sometimes the focus on being thin can turn to the extreme and focus turns into obsession.  I know this firsthand, as it happened to me.  I wanted to feel pretty and in control and the way I achieved that was by getting as thin as I possibly could.  It seemed to start out harmlessly and quickly turned into something very dangerous. I developed anorexia nervosa. At the time I couldn’t see the damage I was doing to my body, my spirit and the spirit of those who loved me, and it was a long battle. I sought out help and worked towards getting better. It wasn’t until I was told I had to gain weight in order to become pregnant that it really clicked for me. I was already on the road to recovery and the desire for a baby helped speed it along.  I gained the weight, became pregnant shortly thereafter (after almost two years of trying previously), indulged in foods I hadn’t touched in years (Chicken wings! Pizza! Bagel with cream cheese!) while still maintaining a healthy lifestyle. My daughter is now 17 months and I still live a healthy lifestyle. No more food deprivation and no more pain inflicting workouts; instead I eat a balanced diet and workout not to burn calories, but to live a long time. I found a new affection for yoga and the peace of mind it brings. The key in all of this has been moderation.

 Look, women are always going to have “fat days” and not be in love with their bodies during their periods. We are always going to want to rip Giselle’s eyes out because of how amazingly she rocks a bikini. Our daughters are going to be told they are cute and we are going to tie ribbons in their hair. I want my daughter to be a girly girl and love Barbies and I don’t see anything wrong with that. But, I will rely on my own personal experience to try and instill at an early age that Audrey is beautiful just the way she is.  I can’t stop her from wanting to be popular and by society’ standards “pretty”, but for every self doubt she internalizes, I can verbalize a note of confidence. I can also teach her by example and carry the self confidence I want her to have. It’s not going to be easy, for either of us, but I believe in her and I believe in me.