Drama Class

Teenage girls and young twenty-somethings seem to thrive on drama. High school is full of opportunities to be obsessed, stressed and a mess…pressure to be popular and fit in, having an unrequited crush, finding a prom date, gossiping about anyone and everyone, fighting for freedom from your parents, deciding where you are going to college, falling in love, having to say goodbye after graduation, the list goes on and on. And when you are 17 all of those things mean the world to you and you tend to be very dramatic about all of it. You can’t imagine EVER loving anyone as much as you do your boyfriend, and it’s HUMILIATING that your parents have an 11:30 curfew for you. As you get older and navigate through college and the workforce you realize you have gone on to love three more boys and saying goodbye to your high school friends wasn’t so bad after all. You do however find new drama and it seems to take in the form of relationships.

I remember fighting A LOT with my boyfriends in my twenties. With “Mark” I couldn’t even tell you what the fighting was about looking back now. I think it might have been because it was my first real relationship and I was learning about myself and my needs. I was changing all the time and it caused conflict in the relationship. The fighting had it’s moments but nothing compared to the drama filled break-up. Chasing him to a bar demanding to talk, heated arguments, family and friends taking sides, crying for hours listening to our songs, you name it, it happened. I recently saw Mark, both of us with our spouses; it had been 13 years since we had seen each other. Seeing him made me smile and a flood of good memories came back (not the drama) and I wanted to sit and talk for hours, reminiscing about when we were young and catching each other up on our lives today. Instead we only had a few minutes and exchanged a brief hello.  

There were a few other boyfriends in my twenties and they too had their share of drama but in these cases I think it was mostly due to the men I was dating. I went down a path a lot of women in their twenties go down and that’s getting in relationships where you try to be the “fixer” and the “pleaser”. Those types of relationships can be toxic and there is a high level of stress and drama. I was constantly trying to diffuse a situation, make someone happy, doing things that made me unhappy, and I lived this way for awhile. For some reason I was getting something out of all of it and thrived on the highs and lows.

In my thirties I finally came to realize drama is overrated, that the roller coaster ride is not where it is at. My focus is now on being at peace and living a beautiful life. I know who I am and am comfortable in my own skin. I found the love of a kind, stable and trustworthy man that needs no fixing. I wish I had found my way here earlier.

I also wish that I could give this focus and perspective to my daughter to avoid her riding the drama wave. I don’t want her to put importance on gossiping or being most popular. I don’t want her to allow herself to be walked all over in the name of “love”. I don’t want her thinking that the big fight followed by the big make-up session is what feels good, but in reality all of this is often just a part of life and growing up. So, big sigh, I just need to be prepared and ready to support her as she rides the wave…I have great faith she will be strong enough to be standing in calm seas when it’s all over.