Four Letter Word That Begins With "F"

FEAR is a terrible emotion. It grabs hold of you and doesn’t let go. You have to try and fight off the physical and mental grip fear puts on you. I used to be afraid of everything. I would have panic attacks in elevators, I was always paranoid someone was talking about me or was mad at me, I feared gaining weight, I trembled at the thought of flying, and  let worst case scenarios consume my thoughts. Over the years I have worked on the root of my fears and strengthening myself to combat things that scare me. I have overcome many of my  anxieties and understand why some of them existed in the first place. I still feel fear but my greatest weapon against it has been prayer and The Word. My faith has gotten me through many flights and upsetting situations.  I am now using my faith to help battle a new fear that has cultivated and that is fear of not being a good enough parent.

As a parent you often question if you are doing enough…are you spending enough quality time with your child? Are you patient enough? Are you teaching her the right things? Are you properly leading by example? Most days I can walk through these questions without unease and know I am doing my best. Then I have a morning like I did today and I am crippled with anxiety. Audrey and I battled it out this morning trying to get ready to leave for work and daycare, yes I battled with a two year old. It is all a blur now except the feeling of inadequacy and fear that I am the worst mother in the world. Rationally I know that as parents we all have moments when we are not at our best and that doesn’t take away from the love and care we provide, but emotionally fear sunk its teeth in and planted seeds of doubt and dread.

I am slowly releasing the grip of fear knowing it is useless and focusing on God’s word “Fear not for I am with you” Isaiah 41:10.  I will go home, hug my baby, have a run or a drink, count my blessings and move on as a I watch fear lose speed in my minds eye's review mirror.